My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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