Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
