he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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