I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
