OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
