A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
