Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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