she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
