how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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