BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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