One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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