It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
