So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
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I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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