when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
