New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
