This girl is more easily done than said...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
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Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
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Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness