i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.