the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
