I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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