just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
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Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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