my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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