I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
