someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
