I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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