You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
