with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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