6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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