Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
