im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
