i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
