is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
