so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize