are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
