STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Who died my cat blue again?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
