I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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