On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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