you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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