Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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