If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
