Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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