I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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