today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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