she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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