Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
