I hate your face
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
