Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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