i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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