naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
