Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
