belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
