ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
