it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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