he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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