Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
