he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
