we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
