saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
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Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
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There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
All the doctor said was why
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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