YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
