he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
