Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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