I haven't been this sober since birth.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
