STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
