i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
