I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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